Yes, you can crash a bar stool

By Scott Mims (Contact) | Clanton Advertiser

Published Thursday, April 2, 2009

Every so often, you will come across a news story that restores your faith in the American public. This is not one of them.

A man in Newark, Ohio has redefined the term drinking and driving. When police responded to a crash with injuries earlier this month, they found a man who had wrecked a motorized bar stool.

I’ll give you a couple of minutes to digest this one. Here’s a 28-year-old man driving down the highway on a bar stool affixed to the chassis of a deconstructed lawn mower, after having consumed 15 beers.

The man was hospitalized for minor injuries and is facing a DUI charge. He has pleaded not guilty and has requested a jury trial, the Associated Press reported Tuesday.

Oh — and there’s one more interesting detail. The bar stool can reportedly travel up to 38 miles per hour.

Now, you’ve got to picture yourself in this man’s shoes. Despite what you’re thinking right now, he’s not the dumbest guy in the world.

First of all, there had to be some thought process that led to the building of the motorized stool. Perhaps it was originally supposed to be a gag. Add 15 beers to the equation, however, and whatever rationale there was behind this man’s crude creativity goes right out the window.

But you must admit a drunk driver is far less threatening behind the wheel of a motorized bar stool than if driving a car. Of course, there is not much to protect the driver of the stool. If only all drunk drivers were that considerate.

I just hope this guy learns his lesson. Obviously, the lesson is that if you are going to build a motorized bar stool, you should use two seats so there will be room for a designated driver.

–Scott Mims is the news editor of the Clanton Advertiser. His column appears each Friday.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SHARE THIS STORY?